


Ten Months

by dwj



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, FebuWhump2021
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:55:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29163018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dwj/pseuds/dwj
Summary: Written for Febuwhump Day 2, prompt: "I can't do this anymore"
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8
Collections: febuwhump 2021





	Ten Months

**Author's Note:**

> hello! so this was written for day two of febuwhump, contains spoilers for the events post 'revolution of the daleks'
> 
> stay safe everyone and i hope you enjoy!

**Ten Months.**

The Doctor stood in the doorway of her TARDIS, leaning back ever so on her heels as the tips of her boots teetered on the edge. The conversation ran on a loop through her mind, the pain she had been bearing since it had happened had grown near unbearable before numbing her almost completely. Her tears had long since dried, after shedding so many she wasn't sure she had any left.

It was over. _They_ were over. She was alone. Again.

She hadn't seen it coming, she'd thought they were happy. Thought _she_ was happy.

When Graham and Ryan had made the decision to leave, The Doctor had been devastated. After spending so many decades trapped in a prison, wishing for nothing more than to see her fam again, only to finally find her way back to them and realise she was too late. She understood _why_ , it didn't make it hurt any less, however. Yaz had been quick to reassure her that she wanted to stay, that she wasn't ready to let her go yet.

Her statement had given The Doctor hope. They were losing Ryan and Graham, but could it mean she and Yaz were finally going to get the chance to explore the potential of something between them?

It had been a little tough at first, the boys absence left holes in their hearts and it was felt especially on the days when they were just hanging out in the TARDIS. Graham would bring The Doctor cups of tea when she had been tinkering for a while under the console and he thought she could use a break, Yaz and Ryan had been making their way through the ships extensive video game collections and would often spend evenings trying to beat the others high score. They were a family, always would be no matter where any of them were in the universe, and as much as The Doctor missed them she still had Yaz, they had each other. It should have been enough, she thought it would be.

Things had gotten good before they went bad, more than good so The Doctor had thought. Yaz had packed a bag before they'd set off on their first venture as a duo, reasoning that this way they wouldn't have to detour back to Sheffield as often. She didn't say anything but The Doctor suspected it also had something to do with keeping her mind off the boys and allowing them the space they had asked for, knowing that if they were to venture back to Sheffield then The Doctor would more than likely want to check in with them just to make sure they were doing ok.

The Doctor had taken Yaz to all new places, some even she had never been to before. Their adventures felt more intimate now that it was just the two of them, The Doctor's feelings for Yaz grew to a level that she hadn't experienced in a very long time.

It was those feelings that made their downfall hurt that much more.

In hindsight The Doctor should have seen it coming. Ten months had been too long, it just took Yaz longer to realise it than the others.

Yaz had given up so much in order to focus all of her attention on finding The Doctor. Her job, friends, time with her family. When she had told The Doctor she wanted to stay, it had been the truth, she hadn't been ready to let her go, not after sacrificing so much in order to get her back. She thought things would go back to how they had been before, hoped they would.

It had been easy for a while, well easy in the hardest sense, to pretend. Pretend that everything was still the same, but it wasn't. Her feelings towards The Doctor hadn't changed, but she had.

Yaz was no longer naive enough to believe that her time with The Doctor was infinite, it had seemed simple enough for her to brush off the fear at the start. They were back on the road, travelling together once more. But it was in the quiet times that the fears arose once more, and unable to confide in the others as she once had, those fears were able to grow and fester.

She and The Doctor had only touched on the events that transpired whilst they were apart, both wanting to put what had been some of the worst times of their lives behind them. It had been foolish on Yaz's part to believe that by running away from her problems, it would make them go away. She couldn't run forever, and her finite time with The Doctor only served to remind her that she would one day have to return and face them.

It had been the guilt that eventually solidified Yaz's decision to return home permanently. She had let a lot of people down over the ten months, made some mistakes she wasn't even sure were reversible. There was also the feeling deep within her that she tried so hard to ignore but feared one day it would rise to the surface if she stayed. Resentment, for The Doctor, for what her absence had caused. It was never something she consciously thought, never something she would ever utter to The Doctor, but would that change if she chose to stay? It was a risk and one she couldn't bring herself to take.

_"I can't do this anymore."_

_They had just returned to the TARDIS after their most recent venture, The Doctor had rushed straight to the console to fly them back into the vortex and Yaz had slowly followed. Her tone had been quiet but sure, The Doctor hadn't reacted for a moment and Yaz wondered if she'd even heard her. But then the fingers that had been flipping and pressing various switches and buttons stilled, it was another moment before she'd looked up and met Yaz's gaze across the room, face pale and eyes full of tears._

_"Yaz?"_

_The look on The Doctor's face, the break in her voice, had been almost enough for Yaz to take it back, to tell her to forget it, that she was just being silly, but then the fear had risen once more and she knew there was no other way._

_"I can't." She'd repeated, her voice a touch louder._

_"I want to go home."_

_That had done it. Five words that had brought reality crashing down upon The Doctor._

_The proceeding events were a blur in both of their minds, it didn't matter, nothing mattered after that. Yaz was leaving, for good, just like the others, and The Doctor was once again going to be alone._

The Doctor had flown the TARDIS as far as she would go after stopping off in Sheffield for the final time, not caring where or when she ended up. She decided to stay there until the pain went away, or rather until the pain consumed her so much that she became numb. Time was relative and her mind was void of everything apart from her and Yaz's final conversation, she had no idea how long it had been, as well as no near future plans to go anywhere else.

A shaky breath passed her lips as the events replayed once more, this time accompanied by the _what ifs._ Yaz had given her a second chance, instead of leaving when the others had, she had chosen to stick with her. The Doctor should have done more to show Yaz how much she meant to her, she had let her down, and she would have to carry the weight of that regret for the rest of her lives.


End file.
